If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
