the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
