Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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