I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
