girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I think my moral compass just broke
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
