I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
