Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
