As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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