if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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