He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
