$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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