Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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