ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
