Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize