I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
