Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
