I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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