I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
