After last night, I could never be a politician.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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