Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
