Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
