I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
