I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
This is the high leading the old right now
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
