I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
