Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
