I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
