Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
