Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize