Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
