worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
