Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
