Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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