We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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