I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
where am i from again
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
