While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
