needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
