She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
