New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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