maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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