"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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