Where are you?
In a non slutty way
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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