Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
