first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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