Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
