he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
