found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Found your dick twin last night
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
