Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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