I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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