He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize