He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
