Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I FOUND THE LEGS
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
