That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
This is not my ceiling
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
