He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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