How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
