Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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