Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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