We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
