I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
