Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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