Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I wish you could order shots online.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
