Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
