I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize