i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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