You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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