It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Randomize
