it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
