i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
