the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
