there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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